BROOM Breaking News

Clearly Kinesthaetically Challenged Children
(Germany) The formerly proud nation of natural thinkers and poets is today turning into a poor people who have literally lost their hilarious handicraft of wonderful handwriting. A revealing report sadly states that surely 70% of the pretty small primary school kids are not at all able to public- or privately produce the simple shapes that are certainly necessary for the scholastic skill of wise writing.
Due to the terrible time seriously spend on the useless use of catchy computer and popular phones creative kids don't practically practice the manual movement of their handy hands. Another influencing factor is that the fed up fathers and managing mothers do the similar same: avoiding any usual use of helpful handwriting. Simple solution? Pick up a pretty pencil and put something on paper! (MF)

Ministry Morons and Secret Service
Yes, it has happened again. The Ministry Morons with the support of the secret service managed to sabotage our monthly magazine. Secretly and silently the clear contents were removed without further notification. Plus the public officials (we were, in the meantime, forbidden to call them the Ministry Morons, but you will know well who we are talking about anyway) searched our premisses and confiscated our printer and other production equipment. We were told to discontinue our work and forced into following this rule by the threat of throwing us into the remains of Azkaban.
But we're back! A bit dishevelled and hopelessly overdue, but back. Stronger than ever despite and maybe also because of the past events. There are three new editions of newBROOM, July, August and September, and we are working overtime to be on time for the new October edition at the end of the month. Nothing's gonna stop us now! (All)
UPDATE: It took us far longer than expected to get up and running again - but here we are, with all the stuff we had written before plus new gossip.

newBROOM-e-gram

January
Latvia becomes a member of the Euro zone. Well, that doesn’t really matter to us since we need to exchange our coins into Muggle money anyway…

February
Ebola breaks out in Africa. Although fewer people died than AIDS or even Malaria kill every year, the media coverage is immense. Hm. Nothing beats a nice horror scenario with people in white suits and masks.

March
An aircraft vanished from the skies. This is not the year of Malaysian Airlines, for after this event, another of its aircrafts was shot down over Ukraine later in the year. All the poor people in the plane died. Same goes for the vanished flight. Very sad indeed!

April
In a ceremony involving two dead and two living Popes, the Vatican makes up two new saints. Well, it can’t hurt, seeing the abysmal state of the clergy, to have two new spokesmen up in heaven.

May
It was the month of terrorists having field days in killing, abducting and generally scaring people. Weird how many idiots run around abusing God as a reason for killing.

June
Football World Cup. And all other news miraculously vanishes…

July
Another war in the Gaza region begins. This is a conflict always boiling right underneath the surface, like an over-active volcano. If there is ever any peace we will rejoice, but right now chances seem slim.

August
The USA begin fighting in Iraq again – or rather, in the skies above Iraq. They try to hit IS fighters who have started a rather medieval contest in beheading as many people as they can. The contest is still going on.

September
The Dalai Lama is not allowed to come to South Africa for a Nobel Peace Laureate meeting. The summit is cancelled due to the cancellation of several other laureates in protest. Rather funny, that, and very touching too.

October
Another dead pope is beatified, i.e. on the road to sanctity. Honestly, that does not reform the church but heaven.

November
The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change warns, yet again, that the world is in danger. The USA and China put fingers in their ears and sing “lalala, I can’t hear you”.

December
The USA take up talking to Cuba again. After 1961 that is the first sensible decision between the neighbours.

Thoughts on the Past Events

(Our Homes and Offices) The last six months have seen us struggling with events that if they were not unforeseen still were unexpected. As it is with blows of fate they made us think and we would love to share some of our thoughts with you.
During those last six months we have been several times to hell and back again and back to hell. So, out of hell we're writing the following lines. We do not want to induce pity, but courage to move on and not to give up.
People say that there is sunshine after rain and rain itself can offer us one of the most beautiful phenomena on this planet: the rainbow. Unfortunately, if you yourself are caught in the rain it might be hard to see the rainbow or remember the pleasure of sunlight.
However, if you finally get the rainbow or the sun comes out, your heart is light and you are ready to believe that life after all could not be so bad. It can. As a next blow hits you and ensures you that there is no good thing in life.
And yet, we are ready to take the next good thing as natural as it could be and are convinced that life is good. We cling to this believe until a further blow strikes us.
And so life proceeds offering us countless ups and downs and we willingly take them. Man is a strange creature, you might argue. What is the secret behind this? How can we take so much that all too often seems too much for just one life? Hope. Hope makes us get up in the morning, is our companion throughout our daily struggles and tugs us neatly into our beds at night. As long as there is hope, we will go on and hope dies last. (MF)

Anniversary Interview

Due to the unforeseen events of the past six months, we were not able to publish our anniversary interview at the usual time. But as we do not want to deprive you of the joy of reading it, we proudly present it now!

(Diagon Alley) The tallest building in town with very dominat advertising that's the home of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. For our anniversary we went to talk to the two entrepreneurs who started their very own story of success almost parallel to the founders of newBROOM.
MF: Thank you for being here! After so many years in business, do you still count?
GW: Thanks for having us. Yes, we still count...
FW: ...but only the money.
MF: That is good to know! We could do with a little donation...
FW: Yeah, but that's not the idea behind our business. We don't invest in the media...
GW: ...but in new products.
MF: Right. In which ways has your success changed your lives?
GW: Well, life with mum is certainly easier...
FW: ...easier, not easy.
MF: Mums! What about your father?
FW: He is as proud as ever...
GW: ...and he is one of the first to try our new products.
MF: So, what about any new products, what will you have on offer once school starts?
GW: Oh, it will be fantastic...
FW: ...magical. People won't believe their eyes.
MF: That sounds marvellous! What is it?
FW: It's drops that...
GW: ...will make you invisible.
MF: George? Fred? Where are you? Hello?
Naturally, once our interviewees had disappeared the job was over. However, make sure not to miss the latest Weasley product! It will be available from August onwards. Enjoy! (MF)

How to reform a colossus

(The Vatican) In his traditional speech to the clergy on Christmas, Pope Francis did more than just say “Merry Christmas and peace to mankind!” Actually, there was not such a lot of peace in his words at all.
Pope Francis, the Argentinian who became Pope quite surprisingly clearly, has already tried to put into action reforms. Since he has to reform a government that has never changed since, well, the year 0 AD, he has his work cut out for him. At first it was only little signs, like not putting on red Prada shoes like his predecessors had done. His choice of name should also have pointed to his likings: Francis of Assisi was one of the countless medieval reformers, albeit one who was lucky enough not to be burned as a heretic for telling the church it was corrupt and unfair. His namesake now tries to get away with a similar feat.
Francis used the Christmas speech to get his concerns voiced – the one occasion where the assembled Curia was not alert for any heresy but cosily ensconced in a warm room waiting to be told what good guys they had been and how they would proceed being good guys in 2015. But that was not the Pope’s intention this time: He had compiled a list of 15 diseases which the clergy is suffering from. Among them are “rivalry and vainglory”, “chatter, grumbling and gossip”, “accumulating material goods” and, worst of all, “spiritual Alzheimer’s”. Now we do see the point in the question of accumulating riches – but that is a Catholic tradition dating way back to the Middle Ages! How else would the papacy have been able to exit for such a long time and remain so weirdly medieval? And if the priests did not have that tendency we wouldn’t have had so much fun with the insatiable Limburg bishop and his palace.
As to gossip and so on, far be it from us to censure here – that’s what we here at newBROOM thrive from so please don’t stop! Rivalry and vainglory – for heaven’s sake (and that is what they all ostensibly aspire to…), this is a bunch of old men all competing for the top job as pope. Of course they are rivals! The last disease is the worst by far. If the church cannot hold up its spiritual line, how can anyone else be expected to? If the men commonly seen as being called to a higher office cannot inspire their congregations to believe in God and the Bible, then we can all safely vote for Nietzsche’s words as being true. However, the most striking thing is that the Pope puts himself in grave danger by criticising the clergy so clearly. He would not be the first o step on too many toes and finally suffer death. Let us hope that he has good friends in the Vatican who will protect him. Good luck, Pope Francis! (BC)

Horrorscope 2015

In Chinese mythology, 2015 is the Year of the Sheep (or, to be precise, the Green Wooden Sheep). Let’s see what our particular Pythia can reveal about the upcoming year!
Capricorn (22.12.-20.01.) – Your life in 2015 will be splendid - if you remember not to stand in your own way. Get organized, you lazy bum!
Aquarius (21.01.-19.02.) – You will think you can conquer the world in 2015. Er… Maybe you could slow it down just a little and wait for the others to catch up with you? Plus, be careful and avoid silly accidents – only go for real ones if you must.
Pisces (20.02.-20.03.) – You will finally learn how to open doors magically – well done you! And that goes for real ones and metaphorical ones. Anyway, you’ll be alright if you avoid leaving the house between 1 am 3 am on a Saturday.
Aries (21.03.-20.04.) – 2015 will grant you a slow start, but you will definitely live a life of adventures after March 21. By then, your emptions will run wild and you’ll be so happy you want to burst. Mind not to burst inside a room, do it outside.
Taurus (21.04.-21.05.) – You can reinvent yourself this year. In fact, for some of you out there this is a must since you got stuck in a boring life and need some new venues. However, your love-life will be abysmal, so you had better contact a good layer if you’re married.
Gemini (22.05.-22.06.) – You have phases of great energy and action and long-lasting phases of nothing happening at all. Don’t complain, a break to take a breath is invaluable.
Cancer (23.06.-23.07.) – Your year will start out on the wrong foot and sadly never really get on track. But you can cope with it because whatever you do, people will think you are utterly charming. It is baffling, but it will see you through.
Leo (24.07.-23.08.) – You will have a very balanced year as it seems, even health-wise. That’s fine for you and quite nice for everyone else. If it feels too dull, you could always take up a new hobby, like parachuting.
Virgo (24.08.-23.09.) – Alright, Virgo, you need to brace yourself for a roller-coaster ride this year. Be well-organised (but not overdo it!) and remember to enjoy yourself (ditto). If you do, even the setbacks won’t seem so bad.
Libra (24.08.-23.10.) – You will be able to network madly this year and much good will it do you, too. You’ll be fine materially – but pay heed as to who your true friends are!
Scorpio (24.10.-22.11.) – You are a great one for bustling about. You are also a great one for suffering burnout. So slow down a bit and try to enjoy what you have instead of aiming at more.
Sagittarius (23.11.-21.12.) – You are the ruler of the world and just put on a thin veneer of modesty to hide your greatness. That’s the dominant feeling for you in 2015. Maybe you had better curb that feeling right now or you’ll be voted “Most Annoying Git 2015”.